Stupid Fan Girl
by Queen of all things-oh a bird
Summary: When two girls discover that the "teleportor" can actually send people to other worlds like the Caribbean, they find power hungry governments hot on their trail. Unwilling to let it fall into the wrong hands, they take it and travel to different worlds.
1. Fixing Chicken Soup

**Okay, the first two chapters were written to be stupid. I'm just gonna go ahead with some sort of plot to get this into motion. Just letting you know that the first two chapters are not my best work.^_^ They're torture I know...**

"Where are we?" I asked. My brown hair with blonde highlights was whipping around my face as I found myself staring at something big, blue, and wet. I heard the voice of a dead woman speak next to me.

"Naru-chan," she said. Naru was my nick name. "Whatever you do, don't turn around." I felt the ground rock beneath me, and immediately, I knew I was on a ship. Another familiar voice spoke up next to me. It made me clench my eyes shut and plug my ears.

"Why's that?" The voices were dulled, but I could still hear them. They still cut into me. I hated every moment I was there. I opened my eyes slowly and saw the railing in front of me. It would be so easy to jump off and drown myself.

…I'm too cowardly to try anything like that…

"If you want her to shriek, fine," said that same feminine voice. "Naru-chan, go ahead, turn around." I felt some hands force me to turn around and my eyes were clenched shut as I opened my mouth to shriek.

I wasn't going to look. I wasn't going to see the man who was covering my mouth to stop my incessant screaming. It wasn't working.

"Naru-chan! Please stop!" I stopped… but I didn't open my eyes. The hand that was covering my mouth removed itself. I carefully uncovered my ears but eyes remained tightly shut.

"Now how am I supposed to get a look at your pretty face, if you've got it all scrunched up like that?" asked a masculine voice. My eyes shot open to see who had said something so corny and stupid. My face was in no way pretty, scrunched up or no, but when I saw who had said it, I didn't even get the chance to tell him so.

I fainted…

* * *

I could hear her screaming my name over and over, and I could feel someone trying to fan me. I woke up to find some very familiar faces staring at me. Pintel, Ragetti, Barbossa, Marty, Cotton, Gibbs, and…

"Don't you dare faint again!" she shouted.

"Okay, Usagi-chan!" I said in a dreamy voice.

"Wake up! Naru-chan!" That particular shriek could have woken up the dead.

"Okay!" I yelled back, fairly annoyed.

"Good," said my good friend who got the both of us into this mess in the first place. I think my face was red, so I made sure not to look at…

"So, what are you two lovely lasses doing aboard my ship?"

"Your ship?"

"Aye! _My_ ship!" I could not find it in me to respond without sounding like a fool.

"Well, you see," laughed Usagi (her nick name). "We're a little lost. We're from the 21st century, and we were on our way to…"

"What does it matter?" I said. "We can't go back…" I felt all eyes on me, but I didn't care anymore. I just wanted off this ship. With… that man around, I felt like I couldn't breathe. "Just drop us off at the nearest port, and you'll never hear from us again." I paused a moment. "A non pirate port if you please."

"Er… I'm afraid the next port is several weeks away," said that oh-so-familiar voice.

"That's fine," said Usagi. "We won't be in the way."

"We'll work hard," I said as I finally gathered the courage to look at the captain.

"Welcome to the crew!" he said. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" Struggling to keep myself conscious, I felt myself smile as I stood up to salute him, Usagi followed my lead.

"Aye, aye, Captain," I said.

"Although, to be honest," said Usagi, "we don't know how to run a ship!" I could almost see, in my mind's eye, everyone either sweat dropping or falling over anime style. It was quite humorous to think about.

"We can cook!" I cried, trying desperately to cover up for Usagi's blunder. We both are like that, ditzy and stupid… when we want to be.

"Okay," said Jack, "For a moment, I was afraid I'd afraid I'd have to throw both of you over board." That shut us both up. With Jack, there was no telling if he was being honest or not.

"Sorry, Captain," I said as I jabbed my elbow into Usagi's side. She glared at me, but I ignored her.

"Well," Jack thoughtfully stroked his beard, "we could use a wench-cook! I meant cook or two…"

I attempted to ignore this as both Usagi and I blushed. I saw Barbossa roll his eyes. Oh, how I longed to join him in the act.

"We'll just go below and prepare something," I said as I grabbed Usagi's arm and dragged her down below.

"If it's not good enough, I'll throw you both over board!" Jack shouted after us.

"Um… Naru-chan?" said Usagi. "I think you forgot that we can't cook!"

"We've got to try," I replied. "How hard could it be?"

"We're doomed."

* * *

Usagi and I swore that we would never eat chicken again

We were going to make chicken soup, but we had trouble _catching_ the chicken in the first place! After several hours of running, scrambling, and tumbling, we finally caught it. We were so proud of ourselves, we almost forgot about what came next… the killing and the plucking. Usagi killed it, while I was up on deck, telling the sea how much I hate chicken.

It accepted all I had to say, no matter how disgusting the stuff that came out of my mouth was. Let me just say that I am so glad Jack didn't hear a "word" of it.

After the killing and the plucking (shivers), Usagi and I had to clean the chicken, which meant taking out the guts and such. We were both completely grossed out.

"This is why there are refrigerators in the future!" I said. "Could you imagine your mom doing this every day?"

"Ugh!" cried Usagi. "I'll never eat chicken again!"

I'm not sure how we survived the rest of the cooking, but when it came time to feed the rest of the crew, needless to say, Usagi-chan and I were on our knees praying for mercy after serving them.

"Lord, please let them like it!" cried Usagi.

"Lord, please don't let it kill them!" I cried.

"Wow!" We heard some commotion in the galley and when we walked in, we found nothing left of the soup. We looked at the rest of the crew. They were all groaning about how they ate too much. Jack held a bottle of rum in his hand and stared at it before glancing at us.

"That was okay, I guess," he said as he put the bottle of rum down… and left it! There was still half a bottle left! We couldn't help but stare as he stepped past us to head up to his cabin.

"Usagi-chan," I said. She looked at me, curious as to what I would say now. "I think he liked it."

"Yeah, and with no more leftovers," she replied peering into the bowl, "we're going to have to do that all over again."


	2. Confronting the Stupid Problem

**Lord, give me strength, and I mean that! So I only have three people who enjoyed the first chapter, even an anonymous reviewer. There was one person, whom was a flamer, but I'm too lazy to—who're we talking about? Any way, be warned, this will get really strange and really stupid, really fast… So if you're planning to flame about it. Here's what I'm going to say to you... "Uh DUH!"**

**Let's just hope Jack and the crew can survive it. Boy, am I evil or what?**

**I own nothing… and it drives me to tears every night…**

_This isn't real. It's just a stupid dream. Any minute now I'm going to wake up and find myself either in my room in bed, or in a hospital bed. Either one will do. In fact, make it the hospital bed; I'll need to see the psychiatrist after this nightmare/dream._

"Naru, did you say your name was?" I looked up at Gibbs suddenly. He was showing me rope tying since I was pretty useless in the galley with Usagi-chan.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Let's go with that."

"All right," he said. "Watch carefully." He looped the rope around the two-sided hook and slipped the rope through a third loop to tie the rope down and yanked on it to make sure it was good and tight. "Your turn."

I followed his movements exactly. Impressed, Gibbs taught me another rope tying method before calling it quits. I was a visual learner so mimicking others was pretty simple. After my rope tying lessons, I headed down for the galley to talk to Usagi-chan.

"Hey, Naru-chan," said Usagi as I came down the steps. She was carrying a barrel full of vegetables and cooking oils. She placed them down and reached into another barrel for an apple and threw one over to me. I caught it and took a bite.

"So what are we going to do?" I asked. "Kage-kun got separated from us while we were being transported here."

"He might have been the only one ended up _there_," she replied. "We were aiming for Tokyo, remember."

"Yeah, what do you think went wrong with the teleportor?"

"I don't know. I'm not a professor in that field of science, perhaps he'll find a way to find us and bring us back." She looked over to the side, worry clouded her eyes. "I just hope Kage-kun is okay."

"I'm sure he is," I said, trying to ease her worry. "He's your boyfriend. I'm sure he can take care of himself. If he can't, then he's not worthy of being your boyfriend." Usagi had an unusual knack of being able to take care of herself. I was a hopeless case. I couldn't handle trying to survive alone even if I wanted to, which made me unworthy of being her friend.

"Thanks Naru-chan," she said with a smile. I wasn't sure if I heard a hint of sarcasm in her voice so I brushed it off. "I figured you want to stay on the _Black Pearl_ with your favorite Pirate Captain," she teased, and I threw the finished apple at her head. She managed to dodge it, but she couldn't dodge my glare.

"Shut up!" I exclaimed. I had always wondered what I would do if I met the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. Now I know. I treat him no differently then I would a secret crush, avoid and ignore (except his commands as Captain, never ignore those). "Any time I'm around him, I can't breathe. It's like I'm super stoked to be near him, but also extremely freaked out about what he thinks of me."

"You sound like a stupid fan girl," Usagi snorted.

"I know! And it's driving me insane!" I agreed. "I'm not a headstrong young woman!"

"You're headstrong in your beliefs," she said. "Maybe if you try seeing him as a real person and not the untouchable fictional character you've known him to be, you won't be so freaked out. Besides, you're always telling me how it doesn't matter what other people think. Doesn't that apply to you?" I let out a small sigh.

"I don't know," I replied. I had always said that to cheer my friends up. It never applied to me because it honestly did not bother me what others thought of me. This was the first time I had ever felt that some one else's opinion mattered.

"Jack believes in freedom, the freedom to express yourself included," said Usagi-chan. "Honestly, if he knew that you were holding yourself back from him, he would tell you the same thing. It does not matter."

"Why do you care so much?" I asked.

"You haven't been yourself lately, and it's starting to worry me a little."

For a moment, I thought I heard footsteps walking away from us. I shoved the idea that someone was eavesdropping into the back of my mind and Usagi and I continued with our discussion.

I didn't want to worry her, so I made a little commitment to be more like myself… even around Jack.

"All right, I'll try," I said. That's when we heard loud footsteps coming down the stairs towards us. Mr. Gibbs turned toward us.

"Naru, Captain wants to see you in his cabin," he said as all color drained from my face.

"What?" It was time to put my newfound commitment to the test already.

* * *

I was not ready for this. I don't care _who _you are, meeting Jack in his private quarters is the scariest thing you'll ever experience, especially if you're a big fan of his. I reached for the door handle and I turned to ice on this nice hot Caribbean day.

"Any day now!" I heard Jack's voice from inside which was the final push and I managed to shove myself in. He was sitting at his desk, his feet propped up on the table and his chair was leaning back slightly. He had one of his charming grins plastered across his face and I thought I was going to melt.

I simply had to snap out of this fan girl phase.

"My intuitive sense of the female creature informs that you are troubled," he said. My translation of that: he was eavesdropping on our conversation earlier.

"You were eavesdropping?" I said suddenly. His eyes widened for a moment, but they quickly regained composure.

"I may have heard a word or two—or ten—of your conversation with what's-her-face," he said.

"Her name's Usagi!" I growled. This was something I hadn't realized. By poking fun at my friend, he had opened the gate to my true self. He smiled mischievously at me.

"Usagi? You say? How do you pronounce your name again? Nahroo?" he said jokingly. I couldn't help but get defensive. Usagi and I were practically sisters, and she had picked out that name based on my personality.

"Naru," I said.

"Ah, all right," he said. "You mentioned that when you're around me," he stood up and stepped towards me, "you can't breathe."

The stupid fan girl was trapped. I had no where to run, and no excuse to turn to. I stepped back into the wall, and he put his arms on each side of me and leaned against them, making escape nearly impossible for me. I once again found myself unable to breathe with him this close to me. Suddenly, his left arm moved toward the door that was next to me and locked it.

Now I was desperate to change the subject, and that meant I had to breathe.

"Could you tell me, Captain Sparrow, which port you're going to drop us off at? It would be very helpful of you to tell me," I said as casually as I could. His wicked smile got even wider. He knew too well the effect he had on me. Maybe he knew all along. I knew how he was with women.

Instead of answering, he started leaning in closer. Now I knew what he was doing! He was treating me like one of his little whores! I gathered all the courage I had in me, and I slapped Captain Jack Sparrow (and I still regret it). I don't care if I am one of his many stupid little ditzy fan girls! I was not about to be treated like a whore!

"Captain Sparrow!" I shouted. "I will not, repeat, will _not_ be treated like that! I am a member of your crew, not one of your many whores!"

He rubbed his cheek and smiled at me. "See, you've finally opened up to me."

* * *

When I left his cabin, I was dumbstruck. That whole act was just used to get me to be more like myself around him! I wasn't sure if I was insulted or impressed, but one thing was for sure. I did not know Jack Sparrow as well as I thought.

Usagi-chan approached me with the biggest grin I have ever seen. She was about as excited as I was dumbstruck over what had just happened between me and Jack. For some reason, I felt that this was better then if he had kissed me. It meant that he wanted me to be myself around him. My open-mouthed-codfish look was quickly replaced with an equally huge grin.

Suddenly, I didn't think I could be any happier.

I relayed all information to Usagi-chan. She was equally awestruck by the sudden turn of events. "See? I told you!" she cried. I smiled genuinely at her.

"I think I like him even more now."

**A little on the sweeter edge, I suppose. Still on the stupid side, as intended. I don't think I'll turn this into a Jack/OC, but that's always a possibility… I guess if I get really bored… *shrugs***


End file.
